A middle-of-the-night negotiation with Mother Nature.

9 Oct

They say sleepless nights during pregnancy prepare you for what’s to come. Like-if you figure out how to function-on-fumes before you have a baby, that once you actually have that baby-you’ll be soooooo ready.

But I can’t help but want to tell that person (whoever you are-person who came up with this piece of sage advice) that I ahem-already had a baby.

Not to mention-it wasn’t like YEARS ago either.

It was A year ago. Thirteen months ago, to be precise. And while I appreciate mother nature’s attempt to once again “prepare me for the sleepless nights to come once the baby arrives…” I’d like to kindly and ever-so-gently remind mother nature…

I FREAKIN’ REMEMBER! I am ever so blessed to have a memory which recalls way further back than thirteen months. In fact, I can remember YEARS back. Crazy, huh?

Here-I’ll prove it to you.  I remember it all.

I remember the heavy eyelids.

I remember the “stumbling walk.” You know that walk that could be misconstrued for a drunkin’ stumble, but is really just a new mother’s attempt to stumble from her bedroom to her baby’s nursery at 3 AM for a feeding in the dark.

I remember the engorged boobs. You know-the boobs that go from prepubescent to porn-star status in a matter of days?

(And Daddy Perks remembers them too. I didn’t wear a shirt for the first month after Henry was born. It seemed like WAY too much work to put one on at the time.)

I remember the delirious states in which I changed diapers and then thought, “wait-did I change his diaper already?”

I EVEN remember thinking-“Oh god-will it always be this hard?”

And then, all of a sudden…it wasn’t that hard.

So mother nature (or whatever universal force is at hand) I beg of you-PUHLEASE let me go back to sleep.

If you do-I promise, promise, PROMISE not to complain in 4 months when the sleepless nights slap me in the face again.

In fact Mother Nature…(oh yes-we are having a full-on conversation at this point…) I’ll even up the ante. I’ll allow my loyal PERKS followers to call me out if I try to complain come February.  And believe me mother nature. My readers ARE RUTHLESS.

So when late February rolls around, and I’m a few weeks into mothering a newborn and a 1 1/2 year-old…and I’m throwing my hands up in the air in the middle of the night, and turning to my blog out of desperation because I’m-so-tired-and-can’t-sleep-because-I’ve-got-a-baby-attached-to-my-boob, I’ll concede. I’ll know that I’ve earned those sleepless nights.

And you won’t hear me complaining. Nope-not one bit.

Do we have a deal?

And while I’m in the business of striking up deals…I’d also like to propose a deal to my unborn son.

Baby Boy Perks # 2…(for which we have YET to pick a name) could we agree that you reschedule your gymnastic classes for the daytime hours? I have a feeling your middle-of-the-night somersaults and headstands may have something to do with why I’m up at 3:59 am on a Saturday morning.

Uh oh-please don’t tell me my son and Mother Nature are working together…

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3 Responses to “A middle-of-the-night negotiation with Mother Nature.”

  1. Bethany October 9, 2010 at 7:58 am #

    Laughing my booty off on this one because it’s SO TRUE and I’m dealing with it already this time around!! Turns out the sleepless nights come sooner with each subsequent pregnancy! I feel for you girl 😦 Has your dr. told you that Tylenol PM is okay? Because it is. If that doesn’t do the trick, get an Rx for Ambien because that is okay as well. You NEED your sleep now since you won’t be getting much later! Hang in there!

  2. Jillian October 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    Your funny:) I know it will be hard and this pregnancy is much harder with a toddler in tow:)

  3. Tiff October 12, 2010 at 12:15 am #

    Oh girl, I’m feelin’ for ya!
    And I also just want to say that I’m very impressed that you can remember 13 months ago and even years! After “Mommy Brain” I don’t remember much of anything lol! 🙂

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