Warning…

2 Feb

…this post contains dangerously low levels of tolerance for the male gender.

It is important that before I go on with this story, that you recall Henry’s birthday: August 31st, 2009.

Ok, now we can move on.  I assure you-every part of this story I’m about to tell you is true.

Begin story.

The following conversation occurred between myself and the father of a child who attends the school I work at a few weeks ago (aka in JANUARY)

Him: “Hey! Good to see you!  Hey, did you have your baby yet?”

Me: “Are you joking?” (Insert red face, complete shock, and a swift kick-in-the-gut/shins type of feeling.)

Him: “Well-I can’t tell.  You’re sitting down.”

Me: (In an effort to speak while maintaining an appropriate level of composure and professionalism while simultaneously having the desire to kill the person standing in front of me..)

“Yes, I did.  I had my baby 4 1/2 (FREAKING!) months ago.

(Important to note several other teachers happened to be in the room as this conversation took place.  It is perhaps pertinent to include that their faces turned red on my behalf while this conversation ensued.)

End Story.

Wow.  Even re-telling this story to the blog world gets my blood boiling.  (Sorry Men-I’m about to slam your gender.)

By NO means am I bragging that I have my pre-baby body back.  At all.  However…this same man certainly saw me hobbling around school back in MAY when I was already huge and 6 months along.  Did he really think that 7 months later I could still potentially be with child?  I mean honest to god-men. are. morons.  Did you have your baby yet? PSHAW.  He couldn’t tell because I was sitting down. Was he under the impression that a woman’s watermelon-like pregnant belly has the ability to re-tract into one’s gut making it impossible to tell if they are pregnant or not?  Had he been in a car crash recently?  Or consumed some type of recreational narcotic that allowed his brain to operate without any type of sane reasoning?  Had he learned nothing from his own wife on the etiquette of what one should and SHOULD NOT say to a vulnerable pregnant woman?

I came home that night and could barely get that story out before I went on a tirade to Daddy Perks.  I just kept repeating what he had said…”Hey! Did you have your baby yet?”

Of course Daddy Perks found great humor in this.  Me-on the other hand, a few weeks later…still fuming.  In fact, I’ve been having to give myself internal pep talks ever since.  Saying things to myself like:

“Lindsey-you’ve lost every bit of your pregnancy weight in just 4 months (and even a few extra pounds), you should be proud.”

“Remember, the doctor complemented you on your weight loss the other day when you were in to see him for your annual gyno appointment?”

“You’re a good person, with a good soul.  Even if a person asked you if you were still pregnant 4 1/2 months AFTER YOU HAD YOUR BABY.”

Moral of the story…

Don’t think the rude and presumptuous comments stop just because you’ve already brought your child into the world.  Oh no ladies.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

A man near you could be lurking…just waiting to strike.

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9 Responses to “Warning…”

  1. Kristin February 2, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    Aww Linds, I think you look BEAUTIFUL! And darn HOTTTT!! I could never tell you had a baby! Men are clueless..and some women, I have gotten some fairly rude remarks from women about issues and I am not even pregnant, or have a child! You are one hot momma!

  2. romy allan February 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    CLEARLY the man is an ass-clown!
    you are beautiful…but not quite as cute as that dumpling henry. i think i need a road trip to get a snuggle with him and his thighs!
    love you

  3. Rinny February 2, 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    I think my Uncle Andy (or, as we like to call him, Uncle A-hole) said something similar to a woman. He now stresses the importance of NEVER ASKING A WOMAN IF SHE’S PREGNANT. He said that he doesn’t care if she’s in labor – just never ask them.

    Really, as a man, it’s probably the best advice you can give other men. Sorry you had to be a victim but just think, you can teach Henry this great advice so he never makes the same damaging remark!

  4. Jessica February 2, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    Hey Linds! In an attempt to make you feel
    better and put salt in my wound, I thought I’d share my horror at the fact that I have not had a child, and am not pregnant and have been asked at least 5 times if I’m pregnant! And this will shock you, all by women!!! Now certainly I understand most are thinking given my age and status as a newly wed that this will be the next milestone, but I just can’t believe that people need to ask and so kindly point out that I have gained the newly married weight, as I like to call it! I thought I survived the freshman 15, but low and behold the marriage-15 is kicking my butt! So, what I have done is started being bluntly rude back and said, no not pregnant, just pleasantly fat thanks! The jaw drop is worth it! And just maybe they will be reminded to NEVER ask a person if they are pregnant!!! (miss ya roomie!) all the best, Jess

  5. Abby February 2, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

    The nerve!!!!!!

  6. Claire February 2, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

    BHAHAHAHA!!!!!! what an idiot

    Men.. who needs them.

    well except for moving furniture.

    JUST KIDDING – just read this on a particularly annoyed/baffled by men day, so thanks for your rant. Will have to call and clue you in on my bizarre dating adventures.

    LOVE YOU LINDS – you are sexy

  7. Cait February 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    While that is a shitty situation — Linz, you do tell one hell of a funny story!!!!

  8. Rach February 3, 2010 at 12:30 am #

    I love you for posting this!!! I just get the “I know you are probably around the “trying” stage so are you or aren’t you pregnant?” looks everywhere I go. You look amazing – so you should have clocked that joker!!!

  9. Tiff February 6, 2010 at 8:51 pm #

    Tell me who he is! I will drive up there and kick that guy’s butt myself! LOL!
    Girl, you are one HOTTTTT mama! And I’m envious of your ability to return to pre-prego hotness, so don’t let a little testosterone (however you spell that!) bring ya down. Everything we needed to know about the opposite sex, we learned in kindergarten: Boys are STUPID!
    Love ya!

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