I took the plunge…

22 Mar

I’ve been dreading it for weeks now.  Maybe even months.  Believe me when I say, I’ve YET to meet a female who looks forward to this day.   I speculate it’s one of those things that many women keep moving further and further down their “To Do” list for fear of the florescent lighting, discovery of unknown cellulite, and bright patterns that hug in all the wrong places.  It seems the only circumstance which can negatively heighten this already nightmarish task is to tack on an almost five month pregnant belly to the escapade.

That’s right ladies…it’s swimsuit season.  And Mommy Perks is heading to Florida in one week.  And the black string bikini I sported on my senior year of college spring break trip to Acapulco, Mexico WON’T be  making the trip this year.  

Oh no-I’ve conveniently buried any and all remnants of each of my swimsuits into the “won’t-be-wearing-you-for-awhile” storage box.  My swim suits which possess the following descriptions: 2-piece, string bottom ties, strapless, low-cut, low-rise, triangle top, open back or any other un-mommy-to-be-like characteristics have been placed in the “I’ll get back there someday” hope chest of dreaming I’ll defy the odds and return to a bikini-ready post-baby body.

So today I took the plunge.  I slapped on my MJ’s (maternity jeans for you new readers) and headed into retail hell in hopes of purchasing a maternity bathing suit.  My aspirations of landing an ensemble that fell somewhere in between the ranks of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover suit and an Alaskan Fur Parka had begun.  The chest tightening began almost immediately.  Thank god for the complimentary orange juice and water the lovely sales ladies offer you as you saunter about belly world because I couldn’t decipher if my angst stemmed more from low blood sugar or the  impending reality of my inner thighs seeing the light of day for the first time in a while.  I chugged some tropicana as I made my way to the bathing suit section, keeping tunnel vision, so as not to lay eyes on any of the “I’m 8 months pregnant and look like I have a softball under my shirt” women.  I managed to gather a few potential options, headed for the fitting area and sat down once I got into my dressing room, feeling a bit winded.  

As I peeled off my jeans, I almost pulled out my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the glaring whiteness of my legs.  You undoubtedly don’t realize how much you miss your summer sun-kissed body until it’s March and you live in Ohio.  As soon as I recovered from the reality that I no longer need the prosthetic belly (yes-you can actually strap on a 7-month or 9-month fake belly while you’re trying on clothes if you’re in your early stages of pregnancy) I began the “weeding out the duds” process.  I slipped myself in and quickly out of a few “not-in-this-lifetime” choices and finally stumbled upon a tasteful pick that seemed to meet my basic needs.  Black.  V-neck.  Enough coverage to support the baby-feeders as the “milk begins to arrive”.  Flattering.  Black.  Not-too-tight.  Comfy for long hours of basking in the sun.   Black.  PERFECT.  I somehow managed to secure swimming/sunbathing attire and live to blog about it.

Which brings me to the present.  The blissful reality that in one short week I will jet set to one of my most favorite places in the whole world.  I get a sheepish grin just thinking about it.  I’ll be ditching the dodgy midwest weather to head down south to sunny Florida where the sun is literally always shining.  (Rainstorms in the sunshine state last about t-minus 7 minutes…just long enough to leave the pool, run back to the house for a cold beverage, and re-lather yourself in SPF goodness.)   

Not to mention, this will be Baby Perks’ first and only in-utero trip to Florida.  He/She will have to enjoy the sun via my belly (and cute new maternity bathing suit) as I spend long hours by the pool, enjoying the fact that I’ll be sans students, stress, and silly Ohio weather.  

Life is INDEED full of perks these days.  (Sometimes it just takes suffering through bathing suit shopping to get to them.)

2 Responses to “I took the plunge…”

  1. singee March 22, 2009 at 11:17 pm #

    shubs! I have just caught up on the last month of life is full of perks, and have to admit-it’s amazing! You are a brilliant, humorous writer, and I envy your dedication to blogging (almost) daily! cheers to you and baby perks. Have a great time in Florida!


  1. I took the plunge…again. « - April 3, 2010

    […] about a year ago when I posted this?  I lamented about taking the […]

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