I’m waiting…

1 Mar

Dear 2nd Trimester,

 I have a bone to pick with you.  I am writing to inform you that I’m ready for all the “perks” that pregnant women brag about once they reach the 2nd trimester…

*Energy…where are you?!?  You’re not hanging out in my body-that’s for sure.  I still prefer lounging on the couch and mid-day naps.  I’m still waiting for my typical spring fever itch to get out and get a good run in-and so are my love handles and inner thighs.  The stuffiness of the gym is starting to get to me, and aside from my weight-training days, I’d rather not step foot in the lovely local where I’m known as that “pregnant girl who had to be hooked up to oxygen a few weeks ago.” 

*Sick-free Days…well to be honest, I had been bragging about how my days of throwing up were long-gone.  In fact, it had been two months TO THE DAY  since the last time I’d upchucked…until today that is.  Nothing like an innocent trip to Chipotle with your hubby to remind you that your body is no longer your own.  Coupled with an excructiating headache, there’s nothing like frantically searching for an empty something-or-other in the passenger side of your hubby’s car to spew into as you simultaneously formulate your order for your burrito bowl.  (Rice, chicken, no beans, mild & hot salsa, a little sour cream, cheese, and lettuce-in case you were dying to know.)  

*Nesting…not in my house.  Oh no-these days the Perks are in a constant battle to stay on top of laundry and general household maintenance.  I often daydream about a day when I could hire a live-in housekeeper who could perform the following daunting tasks: laundry (including: washing, folding, hanging, putting away, and hiding the items which I no longer fit into that seem to continually laugh in the face of my ego, reminding me “long gone are the days of flat tummies Mommy Perks,) dishes, sterilizing bathrooms, vacuuming, making beds, grocery shopping, daily massages (foot and back), and just a person who would listen to the trials and tribulations of a hormonal pregnant woman when Daddy Perks isn’t around.

*Speaking of hormones…let’s work together to get these in check ASAP.  The emotional highs and lows are killing me. One minute I could burst I’m so overwhelmed with joy at the thought of our little one getting here.  And the next minute…STEER CLEAR.  I’ve already had to eliminate several typical rituals in my day to avoid them leading me to complete hysterics.  I’ve made mental notes not to watch the news for fear that they may be doing a feature story on a mother who’s taking care of her baby after having both her arms and legs amputated. Or a follow-up on an elephant who was dying of cancer until it was reunited with it’s atypical best friend-a golden retriever.  It’s bad people.    And poor Daddy Perks has taken this emotional roller coaster ride with me…and god love him-I think he’s ready to leave this theme park and have his wife back again.

Is it possible that we could come to some type of understanding?  A “Deal or no Deal” sorta thing?  Give it some thought and get back to me at your earliest convenience.  

Love,

Mommy Perks

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One Response to “I’m waiting…”

  1. Rachie March 3, 2009 at 6:06 pm #

    You are too funny. I cannot handle it, Shubz. Thank you for bringing smiles to my face everytime I read your blog. I think my favorite thought was about the fact that you are known as the “pregnant lady who needed to be hooked up to oxygen.” Classic.

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